Wordsmith for God

Monotony filled my week. I wake up at four and sheepishly cook rice for breakfast because the coldness of the water is enough to awaken every inch of my nerves. I’d prepare for myself a warm cup of coffee to load my energy pool. Then, comes my early date with God… I’ve been crying out to him a lot lately. I’ve been telling Him how physically drained I have been since the day my brother met an accident until this very day I’m writing this entry. I’ve been confessing to Him how I feel towards my brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling in sin and trials He had allowed; confessions which I could not do even in our cell group. Sometimes, I beg God for more knowledge, wisdom and understanding for me to be able to discern His will with regard to my desire of quitting in teaching first grade pupils, being in Sword Shield for good, partnering with one of my mentors in some ministries and even going home. I tell God how I miss Mama. God knows how confused I am right now with regard...

Today, my grandma knew I am once again single and uncommitted. Telling her the truth wasn’t easy but I knew beforehand that she needed to know. I had to whisper prayers to God as I went to church earlier today. I kept on asking for wisdom and courage to finally spill the long-hidden breakup I had a month ago. As we sat there on the church pew, I could hear the loud pound of my heart and the heavy breathing I’ve had caused my grandma to break the ice between us. It paved the way for my confession. Mama was trapped in her mixed emotions that she only had the courage to ask, “Why?”. I laid down my reasons in full detail and she silently listened to every single reason I had. There was deafening silence after I spoke and, after regaining her composure, Mama simply said that all things work together for good to them that trust God. I inhaled an air of relief and was not able to stop my tears from falling to my cheeks. She felt sad knowing that I “lost” a Christian guy but at the same t...

January 1 brings so much hope to a lot of people. We are filled anticipations for a new set of 365 days which we envision to be filled with better memories than the previous year we’ve had. We fill our heads with resolutions which we have enlisted to make ourselves better for the year. No matter how hard we try to restructure our hearts, apart from God and without the working of the Holy Spirit, our hearts will still be the same. Truth be told, the heart of our problem is the problem of the heart! The Spirit does a work in the hearts of people. The Spirit was sent to “convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:7-11). The Holy Spirit is a gift given to those who believe in Jesus Christ (John 14:16) and is given at the moment of salvation (Ephesians 1:13; Galatians 3:2). The Holy Spirit indwells believers permanently (2 Corinthians 1:22; Ephesians 4:30). The Holy Spirit has many functions, roles and activities. The Spirit functions as fru...

Dark clouds started to clothe the sky around 3 o’ clock in the afternoon. Trees started to dance with the cold and strong wind. I started to place empty plastic glasses and basins on the floor perpendicular to the holes on our roof. Surely, a heavy rain will come. Few minutes after the clock struck four, heavy rain started to pour. The path in front of my classroom started to flood and groups of pupils were running on their way home. I on the other hand was graced enough to have a comfy ride on my way home. As the vehicle I am in passed the one and only route from Barobo to Valencia and vice versa, I can’t help but be amazed and bewildered with the faces of the pupils who were walking their way home. Everyone, from preschool to sixth grade, were smiling and laughing despite of the heavy rain they have to endure as they head to their homes which for some could be an hour of walk and for others could be almost a couple of hours of trek. Many of them left their stuff in school and broug...

Silence. Weeks have passed since I shifted from something for two into solo. My phone is no longer as busy as before, umbrella is now good for one, more time to spend in solace, social media now on mute - everything is now in normal mode for someone who is single and uncommitted. No more flowers to look forward to, surprises to await, meal for two, late night conversations, evening walk in the busy street while my hand is being warmly held, monthsaries to celebrate, and commitment to uphold. Silence has become both a blessing and a struggle. Pain in Silence. As much as I'd like to say I am totally okay, I really can't fully say I am. I hold this guilt in my heart for what I had done. If only I could turn back time and undo the part where I made myself a part of his life, I would. I can't stop the tears from marching down to my cheek everytime someone tells me of his agony and ask if I am okay. Every day I ask God to heal him and heal me. I want to tell people how I truly ...