Wedding Plan Detour

I dream of walking down the aisle inside the church on my wedding day, but God isn’t turning that dream into a reality.

It was a rainy afternoon of August 3, 2020, when I received a message via Messenger that turned my dreams upside down. One of JR’s colleague and Ate Joy, his cousin, informed me that he was rushed to the nearest hospital from school due to unbearable stomach ache. It was two days after the diagnosis revealed the cause – he has kidney stones. His nephrologist told us that he has to undergo a Shock Wave Lithotripsy (SWL), a nonsurgical technique for treating stones in the kidney using high-energy shock waves, which costs 56,000 pesos and is available at one of the hospitals in Cagayan de Oro City. 

His family is hesitant on allowing him to undergo the said medical procedure; and although we would both opt to follow the doctor’s recommendation, we are financially unable to do so. He has decided to take the doctor’s prescribed medicines along with suggested herbal medicines for his condition. Along with these will be our daily prayers for God’s grace and mercy, begging God for healing. 

I would be a hypocrite if I deny experiencing anxiety. In fact, I cried on the sink as I wash my dishes on the 4th day of August 2020. “God, I know you have a purpose for this trial. I know that you are good even if you wouldn’t grant JR healing. Your thoughts and ways are higher. But for now God, my heart and mind are clouded with worry. Please help me rest in You, God. Please cause me to have faith as small as a mustard seed. Please cause me to have a God-glorifying response in this storm,” I prayed. And God did speak to me the next morning through His Word saying, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on” (Luke 12:22). I am never the Master of my circumstances. He is!

God kept on speaking to me every morning, reminding me of His promises in order to reassure me that everything is under His control. I need not worry. Faith has no part in this worry. And where there is no faith, there is no rest. So, I laid my burden down to the Lord and continued to pray for JR each day. My discipleship group, Hannah ladies, and my family prayed with us too. 

On the 8th day of August, JR decided to continue with the planning for the wedding despite the possibility of its delay due to his condition. We met his cousin, Ate Joy, who was moved by God to be a conduit of His love for us by serving as our wedding organizer. Due to JR’s condition and family concern, we had to lessen the projected cost of the wedding. There were changes made of which removing the church ceremony was one. My heart ached. The whole time wasn’t just a discussion about the wedding. It was a spiritual battle within me – a battle of the flesh and the spirit. 

My flesh says, “You only marry once and not everyone is blessed to be walked down the aisle of a church wearing that white gown while being covered by a white veil. Would you kill that dream? Did you wait for years only to be married outside the church? You should be crying.” But the Spirit is speaking in a still small voice, “This wedding is not about you. It’s about Him. Your marriage and your wedding should point to Christ. He should be glorified, not you.”

I cried out to God that night. I told him about my pain. I told him I am frustrated, disheartened, and pathetic. “Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done, Lord,” I finally surrendered.

I know God is going to make something beautiful out of my marriage and out of our wedding. Besides, the best is yet to come – my wedding day with my Lord and Savior for eternity. Well I guess, the spiritual battlefield will have more wars in the days to come. I just pray that each battle will bring me closer to the feet of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I may not be walking down the aisle inside the church, but I hope and pray that my marriage with JR will give glory to God until He calls us home…