Hanun in Me

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Hanun, son of Nahash, king of the Ammorites, waged war against David because of wrong assumptions. The princes of the Ammonites said to him, "Do you think, because, David has sent comforters to you, that he is honoring your father? Have not his servants come to you to search and to overthrow and to spy out the land?" (1 Chronicles 19:3, ESV) He misread David's intentions. He became overly suspicious and brought disaster upon himself.

As I was typing 1 Chronicles 19:3, an event in the Book of Genesis came into my mind. Asking a question that led to sin is a very familiar scheme, right? Remember the serpent in the Garden of Eden? He asked Eve, "Did God actually say 'You' shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" (Genesis 3:1b, ESV) One question that led to the fall of man. This scene brings shivers to me now. 

I have been a Hanun countless times, but let me reflect on the recent Hanun moment I've had this year. I confess I've gone astray this year — like a sheep who went out from the sheepfold and wandered in the wilderness, tried to survive on my own apart from the Shepherd. Months of wandering apart from God who is my Shepherd and without spiritual nourishment from His Word were months wasted and lost. I have no spiritual armor on for I have not prayed and studied God's Word; the enemy found me as a prey easy to devour. In my wandering, I allowed myself to be surrounded with people who serve as my "princes of the Ammonites". I was filled with injudicious and imprudent counsels that cultivated my pride of life. I waged war against my colleagues and school head which resulted in gaining a lot of regrets now. I've hurt people I shouldn't have hurt. I've lost people I was trying to "win" to Christ for my testimony was marred with sin. I've made countless mistakes and bathe in sin. 

Hanun spent an enormous amount of money to cover up his error rather than admit his mistake and seek forgiveness and reconciliation. His cover-up cost him so much (1 Chronicles 20:1-3). I do not want that to happen to me. I want to ask forgiveness to those whom I've hurt and be reconciled to them. I do not want to lose the friends I love just by keeping my pride standing between us. The wounds I've caused them might not heal immediately, but I want to be forgiven by and be reconciled with them. 

I cannot do this on my own and I do not want to pull this off all by myself. I can't, I just can't. This time, I'll submit to God and follow His lead. This battle against sin can only be won by the power of Christ at work in me. 


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